She's emotionally invested in the big day, too.
bride and groom toasting at wedding reception
Credit: Alp and Isle

Though it's typically the bride who tries to make the mother of the groom feel like she's part of the club when it comes to wedding planning, it's lovely when the mother of the bride makes a you're-one-of-us gestures, too. The groom's mom doesn't traditionally have any assigned responsibilities (though she and the father of the groom often pick up the tab for the rehearsal dinner), but odds are she'll want to be included in the planning process if she's given the option. If the mothers don't know one another, their children's engagement period is the best time to become acquainted. Here are a few ways to make that happen.

Get to know her on a personal level.

Building a personal relationship with your daughter's future mother-in-law is not only an easy way to facilitate her inclusion in the planning process (if you become friendly, it'll be easier to keep her updated on the plans or ask for her help), but it also sets a strong foundation for the future of your interconnected family. Think of something fun you two could together—it could be as simple as a coffee date or dinner or as planned out as taking a class together. The point is to make it personal: Instead of simply chatting with the groom's mom at the engagement party, try to think of something you two can together. It will feel that much more intimate and genuine.

Do a wedding task together.

You've been tasks with putting together the wedding day emergency kits and the groom's mom has been asked to assemble the favors. Instead of working independently, make a day of it and work on the two tasks together. Invite her to your place, order in dinner, and get to work over a bottle of wine and lively conversation.

Discuss (and maybe even shop for!) your big-day dresses.

Traditionally, the mother of the bride chooses her outfit for the wedding first, then the groom's mom chooses something complementary. Instead of making it a directive, though, consider making it a discussion. Talk to your future son-in-law's mother about her favorite hues, what she envisions wearing, and if there are any colors she definitely doesn't want to don on the big day. Even sweeter? Ask her to join you for a day of shopping so you two can choose outfits together.

Include her at the bridal salon.

You've been dreaming of the day your daughter chooses her wedding dress, but depending on the relationship the groom's mom has with the bride, she may have been thinking about this day, too. If your daughter hasn't already invited her future mother-in-law to join in on the hunt for a wedding dress, you should suggest it. It'll be a special day for everyone involved.


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