How to Handle a Bridesmaid Who's Trying to Make Your Wedding All About Her
Your wedding day should reflect your relationship and be a day that you and your future spouse will never forget. But when your wedding party includes a bridesmaid who is trying to take over, it can be a difficult situation to navigate. Before you pull the plug and "fire" your diva bridesmaid, consider these methods of dealing with an attendant who is trying to steal your spotlight.
Set Expectations and Boundaries First
While being a bridesmaid is an honor, it can also get expensive and time consuming. Some bridesmaids may try to push your decisions one way or another once they realize the expenses associated with buying a dress, planning a bachelorette party, and paying for hair and makeup, for example. "It's important for the bride or groom to let their wedding party know what is expected of them as it relates to attire, pre-wedding parties, and day-of responsibilities early on so that there are no surprises," Anne Chertoff from Beaumont Etiquette suggests.
Make sure you set expectations of what everyone is responsible for right away and share your vision for the big day and pre-wedding events without asking for anyone else's opinion. This way, you may be able to avoid unsolicited advice from a pushy bridesmaid, and everyone will get the feeling that you have everything under control. Be sure to reassure your bridesmaids that you'll ask for their help if and when you need it.
Keep Her Busy
If your bridesmaid is super excited to be a part of the planning process but you find that she's planning her dream wedding instead of helping you plan yours, keep her busy. Instead of bringing her on venue tours, sending over your planning lists, and asking her opinion before making every decision, give her a specific task or two to focus on. Whether it's asking her to connect you to a vendor she knows, help stuff and send invitations, or tackle a few DIY projects, she'll appreciate feeling involved.
Have a Tough Conversation
When all else fails, it's time to have a chat with your bridesmaid. Start by thanking her for her efforts so far. "Above all be honest with a bridesmaid or groomsman who you feel is taking control away from you," Chertoff recommends. "Share that you love how excited he or she is, but that you have it all under control." You can be firm in letting her know that you've looked forward to making decisions for your wedding day, and you want to experience the planning process with your fiancé. At the end of the conversation, you want your bridesmaid to feel valued and respect the boundaries you've set in place moving forward. As long as you address this coming from a good place, your bridesmaid should completely understand.