What Your Bridesmaid Really Thinks About Her Bridesmaid's Dress
It's the teal taffeta dream the bride has had since she first discovered boys. Frothy, floor-length layers that float down the aisle in perfect sequence, one after the other. This vision on repeat is, you guessed it, the bridesmaid dress-the obligatory color-happy uniform the wedding party dons. Behind the seams, however, the bridesmaid(s) is having a dialogue in her head that she will likely never share with the bride because she's a martyr and hello, feelings.
YOU WANT ME TO SHELL OUT HALF MY PAYCHECK ON THIS @$%#!&* DRESS?
As every dutiful bridesmaid knows, wearing the requisite dress of the bride's choosing is part of the job requirement. So unless you are prepared to sever a friendship over a yard of tulle, take heed, put it on your credit card, wear it like you own it, and then donate it to an organization that collects dresses for prom because, #karma.
MAYBE I CAN WEAR IT AGAIN?
This is the phrase heard round the world, across oceans and nations near and far. It's been uttered again and again by every well-intentioned 'maid throughout the ages. The thought process is such: "It's red satin and tea length, and maybe I can switch the flower belt for something leather," you say to no one but yourself. Surely no one will notice this number's last appearance was down someone else's aisle, right?
IS BREATHING OPTIONAL?
When said dress is so clingy (because only a sheath-style would do, in spite of the fact that every member of the wedding party has curves) the band of your long-wire bra shows (and you need a long-wire bra since this baby is strapless, and your girls don't fit in a regular strapless). The only way to ensure a seamless transition is to figure out how to jerry-rig your Spanx to your bra, and still be able to breath.
I COULDN'T LOVE THE BRIDE MORE!
Now, this isn't a phrase heard often in the context of a bridesmaid's dress, however, when the bride decides you can wear a color of your choosing-and doesn't care what the silhouette looks like, where the hemline falls, or whether it's strapless, one-shoulder, or sleeveless, this can only mean one thing: You can wear a dress that's already in your closet. Christmas just had a second coming and it's only May. And every other bridesmaid in wedding parties around you feels your joy and looks at you longingly.
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