Four relationship experts share tips for recreating the honeymoon phase in your marriage.

By Lauren Wellbank
June 25, 2020
elizabeth nicholas wedding couple walking along boardwalk

The early days of a marriage are said to be some of the easiest and most romantic days of your marital life. It is no wonder that many couples wish to create those days at some point in their marriage. Fortunately, as these four relationship experts explain, getting back into that honeymoon state of mind may be easier than you think—and that's true no matter how long you've been married.

Dr. Leslie Griffin, PhD and Founder/CEO of Marriage Champs, LLC, says that if you are trying to rediscover the feelings you had during the early days of your marriage, you may want to start by actually recreating the early days of your courtship. "It could be a first date, a failed date, a fun activity, or the moment you knew your partner was 'the one.' Whatever you do, be creative! Gather your props, set the mood, and have fun!" Dr. Griffin also suggests reminiscing over some of your favorite shared memories. "Thumb through old photo albums, love notes, and birthday cards."

Continuing to date your spouse may seem redundant, but it is exactly what Brittany Freeman Jean-Louis, LPC, advises her patients to do. "Continue to do those sweet things for each other that made you smile or giggle. Make a set day to date, have a date night. Dating keeps the relationship fresh and keeps the relationship alive. You continue to learn about each other which creates deeper intimacy." Try to avoid falling into the same old routine by keeping things spontaneous. Freeman suggests doing small things like moving your date night to a Monday, or scheduling a day off together in the middle of the week to explore a museum or some other location that neither of you have ever been to so that you can build new memories together.

An addition to continuing to build new memories, you could also work together to learn a new skill. Essence Cohen Fields, LPC, suggests learning something new together by taking enrichment classes at your local community college, learning a new language, or even taking dance lessons. "This will allow you to rekindle the partnership dynamic as you will have to rely one another for support in order to successfully complete the program." She says this ultimately increases your level of intimacy. "The longer you are in a relationship the more potential [there is] for the dynamics to change. As you grow older, you experience different life events that may influence your perspective and shift your interests entirely. Whether it be due to health scares, financial constraints, or even being swept up in the vortex of trying to find a work-life balance, being able to reconnect with your partner over a new activity allows you both to see one another in a new light and bring a refreshed perspective and interest in one another."

It is important to remember though that no matter what you do, you will never truly return to that initial honeymoon stage, and that is okay. "It's in the nature of all human experience to be excited at first and then get habituated to things. This is normal." Raffi Bilek, a licensed clinical social worker, explains.


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