It absolutely does not mean you don't want to get married.

By Jenn Sinrich
September 06, 2019
engagement ring selfie holding hands with finance

Having trouble making decisions about your big day? You're far from alone. In fact, if there's one life event that warrants indecisiveness, it's most definitely a wedding. There are simply so many decisions to be made—both big and small—and, generally speaking, most of these need to be made within a relatively short time period. The number one reason wedding-related indecisiveness is so common, experts agree, is because engaged couples are under so much pressure to make everyone around them happy. "They struggle with wanting to make sure that their parents get the wedding day that they envisioned for their children, including traditions, ideas, and suggestions from both sides," says Brandi Hamerstone, wedding planner and owner of All Events Planned.

"Unfortunately, the parents often overlook what their son or daughter wants for that day and sees it more as a reflection of themselves and what they want to show off to their friends and relatives," the pro adds. This leads to the couple not feeling comfortable with the decisions they're making since the wedding no longer reflects who they are or what they envisioned.

Shannon Leahy Rosenbaum, founder and creative director of Shannon Leahy Events, agrees that a lot of the indecisiveness and anxiety comes from trying so hard to please not only family members, but adds that many couples also feel the pressure from other wedding attendees and even followers on social media! "Many brides turn what is supposed to be a joyful life milestone into an event that they feel shines a magnifying glass on their taste, style, and sophistication," she explains. "With all these factors brides lose sight of what is important (getting married!) and focus on details that, upon further reflection, can be quite trivial."

One of the biggest areas where brides- and grooms-to-be tend to feel incredibly indecisive and apprehensive is venue selection. "We will often hear that the client has a very specific idea in mind, something that has to be a certain way, certain size, and certain feel, yet we aren't able to find that even when we've looked through every available option that meets that criteria," says Hamerstone. "When you talk further you can see that what they wanted, was nothing of the sorts and so they just kept hoping that they would find the venue that 'fit' what their parents wanted but that they also liked." The issue with this is that they're sacrificing what they really want.

The first thing a couple should do before talking to anyone else about their wedding is sit down and decide what they want the day to look like. "A couple should try to establish and create a clear plan of how many people they want to invite, what style of wedding they like, and what the look of the day will be for the two of them. That way, as the questions start coming in, they are a united front from the beginning," says Hamerstone. Being on the same page as they discuss plans with their parents, friends, and other family members will ensure they ultimately plan the celebration they want. "The earlier on you set up some expectations, boundaries, and non-negotiable items, the easier the planning will be along the way," she adds.

The next thing a couple should do is to remember why they're getting married in the first place—that's because they love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together. "Your answer will have a lot more to do with honoring a milestone and bringing your friends and family together to mark the celebration than it does with what color napkin you choose or which hotel block you secure for your guests," says Rosenbaum. At the end of the day, your guests want what's best for you two.

To help you make decisions more easily, Rosenbaum recommends weighing the pros and cons and remembering the big picture. In other words, you can take solace in knowing that, at the end of the day, your partner will be at the end of the aisle with you solidifying this amazing relationship the two of you share. When decisions are really tough, she's a big proponent of simply flipping a coin and promising yourself you will live with the decision. "Often as soon as the coin lands you'll know in your gut if it's the wrong choice (then you can switch it!) but if you don't feel that gut feeling that it's wrong, then your choice is made," she says.


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