How to Tell Your Friends You're Not Having Bridesmaids

But still want to enjoy their company during the wedding prep.

bride and bridesmaids
Photo: The De Jaureguis

It's very common among the 30-something set to forgo having a wedding party. At this age, many people have experienced the ups, downs, and financial woes of being part a of large bridal party. Perhaps some of your closest friends have expressed their disinterest in taking on the role again, or maybe your potential bridesmaids have husbands and kids and can't take on the added stress. Whatever the reasoning (or your age), you're not required to have bridesmaids. That being said, letting your close friends know about this decision takes a little finesse. Here are some tips to keep the peace.

Be direct about your decision.

Rather than skirting around the issue and making no mention of your decision not to have a bridal party, let your close friends in on this as soon as you can. There may be a few sensitive souls you'll want to let down gently, and putting the conversation off is likely to make them more anxious. It's helpful to approach the issue by saying it's a decision you've made after a lot of thought, this way they don't take it personally and will understand that it's not up for debate.

Explain your reasoning.

Whether you can't choose favorites or just don't want to, your reasoning actually does make a difference. Not everyone loves being a bridesmaid and not every bride is convinced that they're necessary. Make your point heard and your friends will probably not only agree, they'll likely say they saw it coming.

Find other ways to involve them.

One of the highlights of being a bridesmaid is that you feel connected to the bride and very involved in the wedding planning. Since you won't be going with your girls to try on dresses, you might want to find small ways for your closest friends to feel like they still play a role in the big day. Consider inviting one or two of them to your dress fitting, ask for help assembling the invitations, or get them in on a DIY project. Play up their strengths and seek their advice when you need it.

Spend quality non-wedding time with them.

If you're not having a wedding party, it'd be pretty strange to expect anyone to throw you a bachelorette party. Instead, make plans to spend some quality time one-on-one or as a group. Maybe it's a day in the wine country or a hike in the mountains. Either way, reaching out to your dearest friends to spend a day together before you get married will be as meaningful to them as it is to you.

Invite them to get ready with you.

It's no secret that women love getting ready together. Even though they won't be walking down the aisle with you, your best friends would probably love to spend some time with you before your wedding. Ask them if they'd like to pop by in the morning for champagne and a light breakfast before you get ready, or invite them to get ready in your suite with you. Someone's going to have to help you button up that dress, anyway. Might as well be a dear friend.

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