6 Misconceptions About the First Year of Marriage
So you think it's going to be no more arguments and lots of togetherness?
Your "research" about the first year of marriage is largely based on your newlywed friends' comments about what to expect after you say "I do." You think you have a pretty good idea of what the first 12 months of married life will be like, but do you really? Here, we look at some of the most popular fallacies about life as a newlywed. Consider these before you take on your role.
You're going to spend all your free time together.
While you'll be spending a lot of time together-probably more than before if you weren't already living together-you shouldn't abandon your pre-wedding social life. It's healthy for a marriage when other people, as in friends and family, are an active part of your life too. Go for a run or after-work drinks with your girlfriend, like always. And please don't do that thing where, now that you're an official married couple, you'll only go out to dinner with other marrieds.
Sex becomes boring.
That's only true if you let it become boring. Even though you've committed to sharing a bed with one person for the rest of your life (yikes!), your passion for each other-while not as heightened as when you were first in the throes of new love-doesn't have to be MIA. Have a talk about your sexual wants, needs, and expectations, and follow through on them! And sexy new lingerie couldn't hurt.
Unresolved issues you had before will solve themselves.
So you put a ring on it? A wedding band is no magic bullet. Talking through your differences and being open to solving them is the only way things will change. Do this before you walk down the aisle, so there are no dark clouds hovering over you as you start your new life together.
You will suddenly love his mother.
Just because you two are family now doesn't mean you'll find his mother more pleasant. But it does mean you should try harder to get along with her. Try to see your relationship in a new light-a more mature, accepting light. Don't avoid her-instead, invite her to go for coffee or a bike ride one-on-one. The more time you spend with each other, the more you'll come to appreciate, or at least understand, one another.
It's your job to make him happy and vice versa.
While you certainly don't want to make each other unhappy, it's not your responsibility or his to make one another feel content either. It's up to each individual to put a smile button on their lives and find their happiness within.
If you're right for each other, your marriage shouldn't be work.
Anything worthwhile-whether it's a job, a baby, or a new diet-will involve some work on your part, so why should marriage be any different? Both partners need to make their marriage a priority every day so it stays fulfilling and on track. Be thoughtful and supportive of one another, have patience even when you'd rather be snarky, and be interested in one another's lives outside of your marriage. That all takes work, but in the long run, it's totally worth it.
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