The dos and don'ts around reaching out to this very busy woman.

By Nancy Mattia
March 29, 2019

You and the bride have a good friendship-maybe you're childhood friends, coworkers, or Saturday morning spin buddies-and you talk to each other all the time. But on her wedding day, squash the impulse to reach out to her for a long chat or a short complaint. She's the bride-she's busy! Follow these guidelines and you'll be an exemplary guest.

Do: Send an early text.

If it's important to you to get in touch to let her know how excited you are for her, by all means go for it. We suggest sending her a brief text early in the day telling her she's going to make a beautiful bride and that you're looking forward to seeing her later.

Don't: Wait for a response.

And definitely don't send a second message asking if she received the first. Assume she saw your sweet words and they made her smile, but she's too busy with hair, makeup, and photos to tap out a thank-you.

Do: Avoid filling her in on any drama.

Whether it's something happening in your own life or related to the wedding, keep the drama to yourself for the day. Her wedding is not the time to let her know that you and your boyfriend are splitting up or that you've been waiting 25 minutes for the shuttle to show up.

Don't: Let her know that you're going to be late.

You're stuck in traffic and will be late for the ceremony. Keep that information to yourself, or else let a bridesmaid know if you really must. Right now the bride's feeling some mix of happy/nervous/grateful/feeling queasy. Your problem won't even register with her.

Do: Keep your conversations brief.

No matter what, don't monopolize her time. Remember, she's working the room! You two aren't at a club. She's got lots of other guests in her field of vision, so even if you don't know another guest at the wedding, it's best to let her keep moving. (This is an example of when the "no plus-one" rule should be lifted. Unless you're an extrovert, who enjoys going to a wedding alone?)

Don't: Ask her last-minute questions or for help at the reception.

Do you hate your reception table? Did you forget to request a vegetarian meal? Did you leave your card for the couple in your hotel room? Discuss it with anyone but the couple of honor-surely a wedding planner or bridesmaid can help you out!


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