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  5. 15 Wedding Guest Dos and Don'ts
Martha Stewart Weddings

15 Wedding Guest Dos and Don'ts

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By Jaime Buerger
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Consider this your VIP pass to being invited to all future family and friend fêtes.

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lindsey william wedding dc guests
Credit: Abby Jiu Photography
27 Ideas for Including Your Wedding Guests in the Party of a Lifetime

Being invited to a wedding means that you have been hand-selected by the bride or groom to attend one of the biggest moments of their lives. When you think about it, that's a pretty big honor—especially if you consider how tight wedding guest lists can be. To make sure you're making the newlyweds proud, you'll want to stick to a few ground rules during all the merriment. From adhering to the duo's preferred dress code to drinking responsibly and everything in between, there are plenty of ways to ensure that you're being the very best wedding attendee you can be.

To make things super-simple, we've complied an easy-to-follow "dos and don'ts" list for all nuptial attendees. Some of the items in this guide—like showing up to the ceremony on time (aim for 30 minutes early!) and being considerate of the ceremony and reception space—are intuitive. Others, like gauging whether or not children are welcome and refraining from posting photos of the bride and groom online without their explicit permission, may be less instinctive. While this handy list covers the most common situations wedding guests typically face, we'd like to make it known that when in doubt, refer to the bride and groom (or the best man or maid of honor!). Better safe than sorry.

Best of all? If you follow this guest etiquette, you'll guarantee your spot at the next family or friend group wedding. Click through our comprehensive guide for guests and get ready to impress on the big day.

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Do: RSVP on Time

modern wedding stationery suite
Credit: Eileen Meny
How to Get Your Wedding Guests to RSVP

Wedding invitations are sent six to eight weeks in advance and the couple will usually ask that you RSVP four weeks before the red-letter date. So when you get one, don't stash the reply card out of sight, thinking, "I have tons of time." Do that, and you'll probably forget all about it. Here's why timely RSVPs are a big deal: Vendors require a final head count a few weeks ahead of time to make sure there's enough seating and food available. Sneak in your response past the deadline, and you're making several people scramble last-minute to accommodate you.

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Don't: Bring Your Own Plus-One

rebecca clay rehearsal dinner guests drinking wine
Credit: Kayla Barker
A Guide to Navigating the Plus-One Dilemma

Trust us, every couple goes through a painstaking process of deciding how many people they can have at their wedding. If yours is the only name that appears on the envelope, then you are the only one invited, period. If the couple intends for you to bring along a date, the envelope will read "Ms. Jane Doe and Guest."

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Don't: Assume Kids Are Welcome

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Credit: Jessica Antola
The Etiquette of Having Children at Your Wedding

Since it's considered bad etiquette, a couple usually won't flat-out write "adults only" on their invites. Instead, the onus is on you to interpret the wording on the envelope. If it's addressed to "The Doe Family" on the outside, or if the names of you and your children are listed individually on the inner envelope, you are free to roll with an entourage. If not, hire a babysitter and leave the little ones at home.

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Do: Make Diet Restrictions Known Early

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Credit: Anna Delores Photography
6 Tips for Accommodating Guests with Food Allergies

Sometimes an RSVP card, in addition to listing meal options, will include a space for you to write in any allergies or food restrictions you might have. If the one you received doesn't, it is up to you to contact the couple directly and let them know of your severe nut allergy or gluten intolerance. With enough notice, it's not a big deal for a caterer to arrange an alternative for you. What is a big deal? Demanding on the day of that your alfredo be prepared sans cream and cheese. 

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Do: Arrive on Time

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Credit: Jose Villa

Making an entrance after the bride is not acceptable, so plan to be in your seat 30 minutes before official showtime. If there is an unforeseen obstacle preventing you from getting to the ceremony on time—heavy traffic, late babysitter, wardrobe malfunction (they do happen!)—never interrupt a ceremony service. Wait until the I do's are done and guests have left their seats to join the celebration.

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Do: Look the Part

jamie jon wedding guests with cocktails
Credit: Rachel Havel Photography
A Comprehensive Guide to Wedding Guest Attire

A formal or casual dress code is self-explanatory. For everything in between—yes, "creative black-tie" really is a thing!—refer to our comprehensive guide on wedding guest attire. And a note for the ladies: No matter the day's fashion guidelines, use common sense when choosing footwear for an outside event. Otherwise, you might find your stilettos sinking into muddy grass or sand with every well-heeled step you take.

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Do: Wait to Be Seated

tillie dalton wedding ceremony with guests
Credit: Mariel Hannah Photography
Unique Ways to Seat Guests at Your Wedding Ceremony

Most ceremonies reserve the first rows of seating for the bridal party, immediate family, and grandparents. So unless you're one of them, look to the ushers for guidance.

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Do: Respect the Bridal Suite

wedding party getting ready
Credit: KT Merry

The room where the bride gets ready before the ceremony is often off-limits. Most of the time, there is a sign on the door requesting privacy or an usher nearby to keep the area clear. But even if there isn't, resist the urge to pop in for a quick hello. The bride will be busy prepping for her aisle debut. Plus, you'll have her full attention after the ceremony to offer your congratulations.

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Don't: Play Paparazzi

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Credit: Jack Jeffries/ChristianOthStudio.com
How to Keep Guests Off Their Phones at Your Wedding

Just as your phone can be a major distraction to you throughout the day, it's going to be doubly so for a bride and groom at their ceremony. The couple wants to look out and see your smiling faces—not the back of your phone or, even worse, your iPad—beaming back at them. Unless otherwise instructed, keep phones and all cameras out of sight until the reception.

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Do: Keep It Offline

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Credit: Scott Clark Photo

Just because you're happily snapping away at the reception doesn't mean that the bride and groom want their faces plastered all over the web. However tempting it is to show off your friends' newly married status, don't post photos or videos of their wedding to Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or whatever social-media site has yet to dominate in the future. Many couples now include notes on their website or in their programs to this effect, but if they don't, err on the side of caution and ask the couple post-wedding what they prefer.

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Do: Be a Team Player

wedding sign
Credit: Marissa Maharaj

Is there a coat check at the reception? Use it. Is everyone expected to join in on the first dance? Boogie on up. In accepting the couple's invitation, you're implying that you're down with whatever they throw your way. They've no doubt been dreaming of this day for a long time—your happiness and accommodating attitude will help make it just as wonderful as they imagined.

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Do: Keep Your Speech Short and Sweet

caitlin amit wedding guests and toast
Credit: Sally Pinera
Wedding Toast Dos and Don'ts

Being called upon to say something witty, eloquent, touching, and profound to a room full of people can leave even the most outgoing among us tongue-tied. Give yourself some guidelines: Tell one story or convey one message—and make it brief. The point is to say something from the heart, not entertain the masses. 

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Do: Drink Responsibly

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Credit: Erich McVey
10 Questions Wedding Bartenders Want You to Ask Before the Big Day

Here's a friendly PSA: Drinking to ridiculous excess isn't just unbecoming, it's dangerous, especially if you haven't lined up a ride home beforehand. When the bride and groom provide an open bar, they're providing a courtesy. A great way to show gratitude: Pace yourself so you can continue to toast the happy couple well into the wee hours of the morn.

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Do: Be Considerate of the Venue

happy bride and groom
Credit: Elizabeth Austin Photography

Once the bubbly emerges and the DJ cranks up the tunes, it can be easy to forget you're partying on rented property. To score the space, the couple took on the responsibility of keeping it intact by signing a contract and paying a deposit. It's up to everyone in attendance to make sure they get their money back. Also, don't take anything from the venue home (it happens more than you think!). Even the centerpieces on the tables may be created with items that need to be returned post-festivities.

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Do: Mail Your Gift

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Credit: Dan Dalton

To keep the bride and groom (or, most likely, their wedding planner) from having to haul dozens of boxes back to their newlywed suite, go postal. Most stores that handle registries give buyers the option to ship items directly to the couple's address. Likewise, if you're giving the gift of cash, don't bring it to the wedding. A card could get lost in all the commotion and, though uncommon, thefts do occur. 

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    Everything in This Slideshow

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    1 of 16
    2 of 16 Do: RSVP on Time
    3 of 16 Don't: Bring Your Own Plus-One
    4 of 16 Don't: Assume Kids Are Welcome
    5 of 16 Do: Make Diet Restrictions Known Early
    6 of 16 Do: Arrive on Time
    7 of 16 Do: Look the Part
    8 of 16 Do: Wait to Be Seated
    9 of 16 Do: Respect the Bridal Suite
    10 of 16 Don't: Play Paparazzi
    11 of 16 Do: Keep It Offline
    12 of 16 Do: Be a Team Player
    13 of 16 Do: Keep Your Speech Short and Sweet
    14 of 16 Do: Drink Responsibly
    15 of 16 Do: Be Considerate of the Venue
    16 of 16 Do: Mail Your Gift

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    15 Wedding Guest Dos and Don'ts
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