The Dos and Don'ts of Wedding Registries

You've been requesting and receiving gifts all your life (on birthdays, holidays, and just about every occasion in between), but when it comes to asking for and receiving wedding gifts, the exchange is a little more nuanced. No matter where you register, and the products that end up on your final wish list, understanding a few basic dos and don'ts will simplify the entire process.

That's where we come in. To help you navigate this surprisingly involved process (who knew adding gifts to a website could prompt so many questions?), we went ahead and shared some of our best wedding registry advice, all of which is etiquette-approved. As for where to get started? Think about where you want to register. While you aren't limited to just 1 store, you should stick to 2 or 3 shops or companies that you absolutely you love. To keep things simple, choose a national department chain that has lots of household basics—and then polish off your list with items from a local specialty store (this allows you to really personalize the list).

Also, don't forget to think about your guests as you decide on each and every company: You may want to choose stores that are low-, medium-, and high-end, so guests have access to a myriad of gifts in a variety of price ranges. Take the same approach as you begin culling items—ensure there is a nice range of price points, so there's an option for everyone on your big-day guest list. Looking for more wedding registry advice? Ahead, we explain exactly what to put on your registry—and how to go about it at each and every step.

Complete your registry 4 to 6 months before the wedding. This will give guests time to purchase gifts for the big day, and will ensure that gifts are also accessible ahead of your bridal shower.

Once you have registered, give the information to immediate family and the wedding party; let them spread the word. If you are asked where you have registered, it is fine to share—but it is not etiquette-approved to include registry information on a wedding invitation. Registry details can, however, be included on a wedding website, which you can drive guests to on a details card.

Register for more gifts than you have guests, so there will be plenty of items to choose from. Think about who your attendees are, and register for presents in a wide range of prices—or choose individual items rather than sets (this is common for pots and pans). While it is perfectly fine to include expensive items on your registry (they make great group gifts!), balance them with equally lovely options that are more affordable.

While it's still taboo to ask for money directly, financial registries can make this less awkward. For example, couples can now register for stocks or sign up for a honeymoon fund. And if you're saving up for a house? Some banks have programs that allow couples to establish a special account for a down payment, which guests can then contribute to.

If your registry doesn't automatically notify you when a gift has been purchased, review your list every few weeks, and more frequently as the wedding approaches. Doing so will help you keep up with writing thank-you notes—try to pen your thanks as soon as a new gift notification comes in.

As you register, think beyond your current lifestyle. Entertaining-centric items, like platters and Champagne glasses (which you will use in your very first home or when you make your hosting debut), will come in handy during every special occasion.

Ideally, you should acknowledge every present immediately; writing a note the day you receive it is best, but sending it within two weeks is also acceptable. Of course, the period surrounding your wedding is a busy time; if you fall behind, just make every effort to send a thank-you card as soon as you can—but no later than three months after the event.

If you don't receive everything you registered for, don't fret. Many stores have a completion program, which offers a discount on remaining items, or will keep the registry active for anywhere from a few months to a few years, so friends and relatives can continue to purchase gifts from it as other joyous occasions arise.

Your partner might not be invested in your bouquet flowers, the ceremony backdrop, or the hotel blocks for guests, but they should absolutely be involved in curating your registry. Enlist his or her help while you fill it out—and remember that there's always room for more general options, like yard tools, whiskey glasses, sports equipment (within reason), and collectible books.

It happens to all of us: We order items online, positive they'll fit, feel, or look as great as the picture indicates. Then, the package arrives, and the conclusion is unanimous: return it. The same can happen for products on your registry. Don't feel obligated to notify the gift giver of your exchange, but know that it's allowed—and common—to replace ho-hum choices with ones you totally love. 

Even if you request vintage selects from an antique store, china from your local design shop, and kitchenware from Macy's, you can still group all of your requests in one all-inclusive registry. Doing so not only makes your life easier (you'll be managing one list, rather than multiple separate ones) but your guests', too; they will only have to search one spot to find the just-right gift. Online registry sites make combining gift lists a cinch, and you can always include a picture and description for that specialty item that's only available in-store to raise money for it, and then buy it later. 

Charitable donations, experiences, and contributions to a down payment, stock portfolio, or honeymoon (check out Honeyfund) are all valid gift requests. Just be sure to include some physical presents on your wish list, too, to keep your great-aunt and traditionalists happy. 

Many online registries let you select when you want to receive your gifts by mail (either as they're purchased, in bulk shipments, or at a later date entirely). For example, if you and your spouse-to-be have a move on the horizon (into a house or to a brand new city) it might be advantageous to have presents sent to your home after you've arrived. Similarly, if you have to take a trip to the post office or local shipping company to pick up packages, then it's practical to have gifts arrive in groups. Request email notifications when gifts are bought to stay on top of thank-you notes (that's right, those should still be sent within two weeks of the giver's purchase regardless of when the gift lands on your doorstep!). 

Fill your future home with items that feel personal and useful to you and the groom; otherwise, you'll feel like you're living in a grand museum featuring someone else's beautiful objects. Along with building your collection of family-holiday-worthy pieces (looking at you, gravy boat), leave room for the fun stuff, like a bright stand mixer, funky mirror for your entryway, and professional camera for those trips abroad.