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Considering the hundreds of decisions you will make before your wedding day, what could be more tempting than to let your invitations essentially write themselves? After all, parents of brides have been requesting the honour of their guests' presence in precisely the same language for more than a century. And it is hard to deny the security in knowing that these phrases have passed the etiquette test of generations.

Even if you intend to compose your own wording, it's important to understand wedding protocol before you deviate. Traditional invitations are formal, both in phrasing and format -- line breaks instead of commas, numbers, dates, and times spelled out. British wording and spelling are also commonly used ("half after seven o'clock" and "the favour of your reply is requested").

A typical invitation includes certain customary elements: the host line, request line, bride and groom line, date and time lines, location line, and reception and R.S.V.P. lines. Although every invitation should have all these lines, they can be worded and arranged in countless ways to reflect the style of the occasion and the changing times. "The trend is that you do whatever makes good etiquette sense and makes you feel good," says Jerome Brownstein, engraving consultant at Ross-Cook Engraving in New York City. "People are trying to stay socially correct, and at the same time they want to be comfortable."

Classic Set
A formal invitation today typically includes separate cards for the reception and reply, and the language is prescribed by tradition. Although appropriate for a black-tie wedding, such invitations would be out of sync with a more casual affair.

First Published: Winter 1999