From:

Choosing the Wedding Party
What do honor attendants, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, and ring bearers have in common? They're people who love you, and they've signed up to help out.

Members of the wedding party are very important people -- cherished friends and family who are there for you from the earliest planning stages to the day they accompany you down the aisle. Their participation in your wedding is a testament to their love for you, something you will all remember for many years to come.

Being in a wedding party can involve a fair amount of responsibility and expense, especially for the honor attendants (best man and maid of honor). Bear this in mind when asking; make sure all participants know up front what you are expecting of them. To give everyone ample time to plan, name your attendants soon after you choose a date and venue. Invite people to participate in a way that allows them to decline gracefully if they feel they're not up to the task, and don't insist on an immediate answer.

If anyone is unable to afford the cost of their formal wear, hotel room, or travel, you might tactfully offer to help out if you can. Pick the right number of attendants for the size and style of your wedding. Eight to twelve is common, but you can have more or less. Many couples include children, often nieces and nephews. Others have honor attendants only.

For their September 2003 ceremony in East Hampton, New York, Lulita and John Reed had twenty-one attendants -- family members, childhood playmates, and dear friends from high school and college.

Whatever you decide, don't feel you must choose an equal number of men and women. Loved ones don't come in boxed sets, and neither should your wedding party. To give everyone enough time to make plans, name your attendants as early as you can preferably as soon as you have chosen a date and venue.

First Published: Fall 2005